Some of the crowd are on the pitch...

Hello. Apologies for the radio silence over the past few weeks. It's just that I was outed as a research scientist from Bristol who doesn't look anything like Billie Piper.

No, that's not true. What actually happened was, I've been head-hunted by Will Lewis to go and work on the Euston Project. He wants me to head up a couple of spin-offs, one based in Manhattan and the other in Alan Parsons.

No, that's not true either. I'll be totally honest with you. I was actually Norman Painting.

Oh, alright, none of the above are true. But I am knocking this blog on the head, at least for the moment. Bits of the last three-and-a-half years have been fun. Thanks for having me.

x

Your Friday Treat

A few years ago I done had an idea. I would set up a blog gathering badly-posed pictures from local papers.

It was inspired partly by the time I watched a group of street performers in Cheltenham unicycling, juggling and performing interactive improvised limericks with a group of fantastically enthusiastic schoolchildren in Cheltenham as a photographer from the local paper stood idly by smoking and drinking coffee, only for him to finally take off his lenscap, call the fun to a halt and insist that everyone stand still and awkwardly pretend to be receiving a large pretend cheque from a local dignitary.

Then I thought "actually, that would be quite a lot of work, wouldn't it." And then I thought "If I was clever, I'd persuade someone to pay me to do it." And then I got distracted by something shiny in the next room, and haven't thought about it since.

Luckily for us all, there is Scaryduck. And he - she? It? not only has impeccable taste (ie links to me here) but actually follows up on his good ideas. Ladies, gentlemen, ducks, I give you Angry People In Local Newspapers.

Consider the ugly stick that is in thine own eye

So Sharon Osbourne says Susan Boyle looks like a "hairy arsehole."

It's time to link to that pre-surgery picture again, isn't it?

So long, sucker

Look, I know I'm inviting thousands of comments along the lines of "OMG U is SUCH a minger how dare U", and I'm too old, a die-hard Buffyist and switched off Twighlight after 10 minutes even though I was stuck on a plane with 8 hours to kill... but what the hell sort of a teen heart-throb drives a Volvo?

Biscuitgate: The Truth

... it never happened. Grab yourself a Garbaldi and read me over on The First Post.

If you can take any Moir...

... I've done a Hackwatch in the issue of Private Eye out today which gives the untold story of the Jan Moir affair - including naming the man responsible for that headline. Plus, for just £1.50, you get an extraordinary free gift on the cover of every issue...

"No! Not the lovely ornamental urn given to us by Mr Taylor from Barnet!"

"Protesters Storm into Television Centre"

If they damage the Blue Peter Garden, I shall be very cross.

(although almost certainly not cross enough to vote BNP)

Homoirphobia

Just fancy that!

“Giving up texting and twittering for Lent would be only the start if -- I know it's a big if, but I'm very fond of it -- I was God. Surely the day will come when this distracting nuisance will be banned for ever.”
Jan Moir, Daily Mail, 6 March 2009