Hero of the day is the Mayor of Trowbridge, who appeared in an even-more-cringe-making-than-usual piece on BBC Breakfast this morning. Former punk rocker Hugh Cornwell has - smirk and raised eyebrow to camera - written a song about the not very rock'n'roll subject of - wait for it Bill! - the one-way system in Trowbridge! Ha ha ha! We sent our reporter to the sleepy little town which is simply miles from London to see why Cornwell thinks the place is so awful, and find out what the mayor thinks of the tune.
Cue Councillor John Knight, fully decked out in ceremonial gold chain like - ha! the provincial duffer he surely must be! - listening to the song on an ipod. Earphones out, will he obligingly play his part and say he's disgusted at the nasty punk slagging off his lovely town and maybe say something terribly funny and bumpkinish about bowling greens or a best-kept village competition?
Will he heck. In a broad Wiltshire accent, the Mayor opines: "it's not nearly as good as the stuff he was doing with the Stranglers 25 years ago, izzit?"
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"Today is the 200th anniversary of the Battle of Trafalgar," said Natasha Kaplinsky brightly at 6.15am a couple of years ago. Must be a slow day for news I thought if they are going back a couple of hundred years for copy. Natasha (undoubtedly a fit girl but sadly has something of Sian Lloyd about her) looked away to a monitor and the picture cut to a windswept lass in total darkness who claimed to be in Cadiz. If you want to find Trafalgar go to left from Gibraltar and up a bit so I suppose Cadiz isn't a million miles away. But it was in the dark, miles from the open sea and exactly 200 years and one day too late to interview Admiral Lord Nelson about his latest away fixture.
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