Thursday, September 24, 2009

Nation's finances sorted

UK's largest haul of Anglo-Saxon treasure discovered in Staffordshire.

"It has been declared treasure by South Staffordshire coroner Andrew Haigh, meaning it belongs to the Crown."

Coming soon to a field near you: Alistair Darling with a metal detector...

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Worst. Protest. Ever.

Round at Jeremy Clarkson's house.

They could have produced more than that themselves if they'd had a big dinner!

Dumping horse manure on his garden. That'll tell him. Next week they plan to chop some logs, clean the windows and do a Sainsbury's run for him...

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Slight return

So, Gordon, when you do this interview with the BBC about reform of the banking system, we need a soundbite that will really emphasise that we're looking forwards and moving on from the mistakes of the past. A phrase without any, you know, bad echoes or associations in people's minds. Do you think you can manage that? Yes? Good. Go ahead, Prime Minister.

"Ahem. There can be no return to business as usual."


... Bust.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Daily Mail finally discovers headline that has everything

Revealed: Baby P council sent foster child to live with ringleader of airline bomb plot

"I love it! But could we get swine flu in there somewhere?"

Billy no-mates

So we all know the most popular e-petition on the Downing Street website is the one calling on the prime minister to resign, which 70,770 prime tits have signed while LOLing nearly as much as they did when they wrote 'Jedi' on their census forms eight years ago. And then went back to scattering exclamation marks liberally around their lives in an attempt to mask the pervading odour of wet dog and regret.

But what about the other end of the scale, the deeply-affronted who can't persuade one single person to empathise with them?

While Professor Robin Marshall FFS (shurely FRS?) must have been spitting into his Full English this morning, the one I really feel sorry for is Richard Harrold. Do you think it will take him till 5 June 2010 to realise that no one else out there in the world thinks it would be a good idea to let him shag his auntie?

Arming Scouts though, that I could go for...