NO, SERIOUSLY, DUCK!

And to think if he'd gone to "Flytes of Fancy" he could have spent a seventh of the cash and still come away with the Penthouse Duckhouse - or as I like to call it, the Nutbush City Limits...

DUCK!

Just look at the other models we could have bought for Sir Peter Viggers!


What d'you reckon, Anthony Steen - it looks a bit like Balmoral, doesn't it?

So that's why he likes Guy Ritchie so much...

The Sun's priapic showbiz correspondent Gordon Smart makes a surprising - well, actually, no, let's be honest, not that surprising - admission this morning:

"THOUGHTFUL STEVEN GERRARD would wax his 'back, sack and crack' if his pretty missus ALEX CURRAN insisted, despite his undercarriage being in a particularly unruly state.
The Liverpool skipper normally shuns the beauty regimes favoured by preening stars such as RONALDO but would make the sacrifice for Alex.

But he warned: 'Have you seen my a**e? It’s like an Alsatian’s. I don’t think I’ve got the pain threshold to do that but if the missus really wanted me to, I’d have a go.'

Stevie the Alsatian, I couldn’t resist it."

MPs Expenses - day 904

So the Telegraph have finally realised it would be easier just to list the MPs who WEREN'T fiddling their expenses...

How not to be a media whore

"Adam? BBC London and the BBC News Channel both wondered if you'd go on and talk about MPs' expenses scandal this morning. There's a fee for the News Channel."

*ponders work planned for today, none of which is particularly urgent.*

"Um, no, I can't be bothered."

"Ok."

The going rate for hacks willing to go on the BBC and complain about MPs taking money for nothing from the public purse? £75...

Mondays are the new days for treats

I've just had a Tunnocks Teacake. You can have the opening titles of the best computer game in the world ever.*







*that isn't called Zelda: Ocarina of Time

A sorry state

The headline says: "Brown Apology Over MPs' Expenses"

The Prime Minister actually says: "I want to apologise on behalf of politicians on behalf of all parties for what has happened in the events of the last few days."

So he's apologising, on behalf of some people he doesn't represent, for the Telegraph publishing details of MPs' expenses. That's not quite the same thing, is it?

Named and shameful

So, everybody who was desperate to name names in the Baby P case last year... now a verdict in this has come through, do you see why those of us who understand the contempt of court laws were, er, "protecting their identity"?