Biscuitgate: The Truth

... it never happened. Grab yourself a Garbaldi and read me over on The First Post.

If you can take any Moir...

... I've done a Hackwatch in the issue of Private Eye out today which gives the untold story of the Jan Moir affair - including naming the man responsible for that headline. Plus, for just £1.50, you get an extraordinary free gift on the cover of every issue...

"No! Not the lovely ornamental urn given to us by Mr Taylor from Barnet!"

"Protesters Storm into Television Centre"

If they damage the Blue Peter Garden, I shall be very cross.

(although almost certainly not cross enough to vote BNP)

Homoirphobia

Just fancy that!

“Giving up texting and twittering for Lent would be only the start if -- I know it's a big if, but I'm very fond of it -- I was God. Surely the day will come when this distracting nuisance will be banned for ever.”
Jan Moir, Daily Mail, 6 March 2009

On having it both ways

Ok, I get that the Mail doesn't like The Gays. And I get that it hasn't really worked out for Jan Moir since she left the Telegraph, and that senior execs there are quite open about how Amanda Platell and Allison Pearson do it so much better and so she really really needs to make some impact before her contract comes up for renewal. And I even get that linking to the article in question does nothing except bump up MailOnline's oh-so-precious visitor figures.

But what I don't get is how having an extra person with you as well as your husband makes your death more "lonely"?

Rucking hell

Coo. They don't give up, do they?

"Carter-Ruck has made a fresh move that could stop an MPs' debate next week by claiming a controversial injunction it has obtained is "sub judice".

oooOOOOOooooh!

John Rentoul on "Private Eye's sense of humour failure".

There speaks a man who gets his copy of OK! sent free to the office and doesn't have to pay £2.60 for it. Innit.

Carter fuck-off

THAT question, by the way, is the lead story on the HP Sauce page of the edition of Private Eye which is hitting newsstands about now...

Well done all.

EDIT ELEVEN HOURS LATER: And here's the boss, talking about it.

And here's some other thoughts about it, over in my other gaff.

Great picture captions of our time

From the BBC news website.



Well yes. He does look rather critical, doesn't he?

Down With This Sort of knickers - er, Thing.

The Daily Mail website - fresh from its victory in printing a close-up of a 13-year-old girl's bottom back in February - is now demonstrating (shurely denouncing?) how when 14-year-olds wear "Miss Sexy" trousers you can see their underwear.

Stuart from Manchester provides a voice of reason in the comments:

There is a girl's school near me and 90% of them wear short skirts, it is totally inappropriate and should not be permitted.
- Stuart, Manchester, England, 7/10/2009 11:54

Ninety per cent you say, Stuart? How long did you spend checking the figures?

Cheers!

Well done to the Mirror for their corking "Cameron quaffs champagne as babies die" front page scoop this morning.

I bet Fraser Nelson is kicking himself. He could have saved a fortune - apparently, Tesco champers is just as good:

ALL along, I've felt Tesco champagne was special.
I do drink it but - ridiculously - I never serve it at dinner or lunch parties (I'm not really a snob, am I?) Quite honestly, it seemed a cheapskate thing to do. How foolish.

Instead, I stick to Dom Perignon at around £65 a bottle, Veuve Clicquot La Grande Dame (about £100), or, my real favourite, Roederer Cristal (£125 for 75cl).

When entertaining mates, particularly ill-educated journos whose ignorance of the finer things in life is often deplorable, I serve NV champagne, although, naturally, it needs to be one of the grand marques.

Now, for £14.79, I can quaff a champagne guaranteed not to make me sick or, as important, penniless.

Truly, a fizz for the poor. They should sell it in magnums.

Says who? James Whitaker, writing in the Mirror in September 2005. The picture byline on his weekly column used to show him toasting the readers with a glass of bubbly. I bet they're glad he's retired now.