December

And just when you thought it was all over, a new journalistic hero emerged. I have a feeling I shall be typing the words “Gordon Smart” rather a lot in the coming months. We kicked off in Eye 1199:

On his first day in charge of the Bizarre column, new “Prime Minister of showbiz” Gordon Smart detailed his “manifesto” (geddit?) to Sun readers.

“Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Johnny Foreigner of equally limited talent are welcome on Bizarre on condition that they are little wrigglers and appear almost naked,” he announced. “The caners league continues. All celebrities, nonebrities and musicians are actively encouraged to get tanked up and cause high jinks.” To prove the point, he led off with a picture of Girls Aloud singer Cheryl Cole embarking on some “liver punishment” in a nightclub, pointing out that “you can’t deny she has cracking bangers”.


In this spirit – and to prove the Sun’s point in its 12 November editorial that “Britain is in danger of becoming a binge-drinking paradise” – we present this picture of Gordon Smart showing off a pair of cracking bangers of his own. His little wriggler is not pictured.