Hold the front page - I can hear bedsprings creaking

Even amid across-the-board ickiness over Carla Bruni in this morning's papers - for a perfect mental picture of yesterday's editorial conferences up and down Fleet Street, just think of Vic Reeves doing that thigh-rubbing thing whenever he had an attractive female contestant on Shooting Stars - the Sun's front page deserves a special mention.

France scored twice last night as its football team beat England 1-0 and President Nicolas Sarkozy cuddled up with wife Carla in a Windsor Castle bed… Mr Sarkozy and sexy former supermodel Carla had a far more enjoyable time as they sidestepped royal protocol. The couple – wed less than two months – were given a traditional TWO-bedroom apartment with a door in between for their castle sleepover. But according to a royal source, Mr Sarkozy swiftly abandoned HIS designated room to join gorgeous Carla in HER four-poster bed. The source said: ‘it’s not surprising newlyweds didn’t want to spend the night apart.’

Really? Really? One for the final edition, presumably, given that the pair of them didn't retire until fairly late last night due to being at that state banquet. Or, as the French pronounce it, Bonk-it.

Our Men in the Palace haven't had a comparable "married couple have sex shocker" scoop since their stroke-by-stroke account of the conception of Leo Blair in November 1999:

'Och aye the noo-kie! Tony and Cherie Blair are expecting a "Royal" baby - conceived at Scotland's Balmoral Castle when they were guests of the Queen.
The secret of where Cherie's pregnancy began was revealed yesterday after days of speculation. The Blairs, who expect their fourth child at the end of May, spent the first weekend in September at the romantic royal holiday retreat in the Highlands.
By day the couple watched brawny, kilted athletes tossing their cabers and hurling huge iron balls at the traditional Braemar Highland Games.
They were stirred by the wild grandeur of soaring peaks and rushing streams as they walked hand-in-hand around Balmoral's impressive 50,000-acre estate on the River Dee. And at night - with their three children out of the way in London - the couple would retire to a luxurious tartan-curtained guest suite in the castle...

It goes on, but at this point I'm afraid I made my excuses and left.

Coming tomorrow: More on that 'cuddle' as Sun man sniffs the sheets and answers the question all Britain is asking!