Alright, alright, I've been on holiday...

A classic tabloid headline on page 23 of today's Mirror

Rail track death girl 'rape' hell

Perhaps it should be investigated, so that tommorrow we could have a

Rail track death girl 'rape' hell probe

And if something went wrong, the next day there could be a

Rail track death girl 'rape' hell probe shock

or even a

Rail track death girl 'rape' hell probe shock terror

(apologies to Michael Frayn...)