Bob Woolmer - remember him?

Here's a piece I wrote for the last Eye, which I then forgot about and shamelessly chortled at when I got back from holiday...

CLUEDO: CRICKET WORLD CUP SPECIAL EDITION

SUSPECTS
“Was cricket coach killed by a bookie?” – Evening Standard, 21 March
“Did match fixers want him dead?” – Daily Mail, 22 March
“‘Mafia executed cricket chief Bob’” – Mirror, 22 March
“Yardies fed Bob venom in his bath” – Daily Star, 23 March
“Woolmer strangled by a hitman” – Express, 23 March
“More than one killer was involved” – Times, 23 March
“Did a cricketer kill Woolmer?” – Sunday Express, 25 March
“Al-Qaeda link to Woolmer murder” – Sun, 29 March

WEAPONS
“He had suffered a suspected heart attack. There are no suspicious circumstances surrounding his death.” – Daily Mail, 19 March
“Did drink and drugs OD kill coach?” – Evening Standard, 19 March
“World Cup coach was strangled” – Daily Mail, 22 March
“Test ace Bob murdered with snake venom.” – Daily Star, 23 March
“Poisoned dish sent to room” – Sun, 23 March
“Was he REALLY strangled?” – Daily Mail, 31 March
“Cricket legend was killed by drug from ancient plant – cops believe it was sprinkled on his sleeping pills.” – Sunday Mirror, 1 April
“The Pakistan coach slipped in the shower after downing a bottle of whisky” – Express, 2 April
“Squashed carton of mango and carrot juice – did this contain poison?” – Sun, 3 April